Dear Husband: Here's What I Really Want For Mother's Day
Dear husband,
Look. Mother's Day is coming up so instead of running to the drugstore at the last minute to buy chocolate and a card, I'm going to give it to your straight.
Breakfast in bed is a cute idea on TV but in real life, it just means crumbs and orange juice in our sheets. We both know full well that I can't eat anything without the kids crawling all over me begging for scraps, anyway. I'm going to end up feeding them bite after bite of the delicious meal you've lovingly made, washing our now pancake-syrup spotted covers, and then doing the dishes.
Jewelry is a wonderful idea, but have you see me lately? There aren't many necklaces that pair well with a sweatshirt and stretch pants. I don't go anywhere nice. Most days I'm cleaning poop out of tile so I don't really need a ring or bracelets to worry about crap getting on them.
I'm going to be 100% honest with you, babe. The only gift I want is absolutely free. You don't need to spend a dime on it.
I want to be alone.
Not all day, just a few hours.
Take the kids and drive. Drive to the park. Drive to a movie. Drive to your mom's house. I don't care where you go, just drive into the horizon. And not for 20 minutes. You need to be gone for two hours minimum. Three hours if you really love me. Four hours if you want me to do that thing.
I adore our family and love our kids more than life itself but two or three hours with no one asking me for a snack or needing their butt wiped sounds like heaven.
Can you make that happen? No phone calls, please, unless someone is uncontrollably bleeding and the emergency room doctor absolutely needs to speak to me.
Thank you. I love you.
xoxo Your wife
Toddlers Are A**holes- It's Not Your Fault
Order now to have it delivered by Mother's Day
(she still wants a present)
Order now to have it delivered by Mother's Day
(she still wants a present)
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