How To Laundry While Being A Mom

Step 1: Locate the multiple baskets of clothes in your living room. Remove random toys and mail from baskets. Go through them, giving each item a smell/visual check. If they've been worn, place them back into the basket. If they're extremely dirty, place them into the washing machine.

Step 2: Add 2x the recommended amount of soap and turn on the machine.

Step 3: Get distracted by life.

Step 4: Two days later, open washer and take note of the pungent mildew smell. Learning from past experiences where you dried clothes like this and your family walked around smelling like damp gremlins for two weeks, opt to wash clothes again.

Step 5: Add more soap and overpriced but useful oxygen powder stuff just to be safe while asking yourself, "What's oxygen powder? How can oxygen be a powder?" Set the water on its highest temperature.

Step 6: Forget you even have a washing machine. 

Step 7: Return three days later. Open your washer and notice that your washing machine has turned into the pond swamp from The Little Mermaid complete with indigenous toads. Wonder why you suck at laundry. Add all of the soap and whatever remains of the oxygen magic cocaine dust. Just dump it all in. Set the machine's water temperature to "Scald Out This Jungle Bacteria."

Step 8: Wake up with a start in the middle of the night and transfer the wet clothes into the dryer. If there is anything already in the dryer softly curse while throwing it on the floor (you're out of baskets).

Step 9: Over the next week, rifle through the clothes in the dryer as needed to find underwear and socks. Remove the clothes and place them on the couch only when you need the dryer for another wash.

Step 10: Return to Step 1.

Note: If all of this is too overwhelming feel free to just buy new clothes from Target and burn the old ones as needed.