You Know You Have A Toddler When...
People often want to know when toddlerhood officially starts. While most agree that age two is the beginning of this delightful developmental stage, there are other ways to know if you're there.
You Know You Have A Toddler When...
1. Your kids has ever answered a question with a sharp, piercing scream rather than actual words. Perhaps you asked them what they want for breakfast or if they need a hug, or maybe you just wanted to know if they had poop in their pants, either way instead of using words, they bellowed the call of their people: a scream loud enough to shatter glass.
2. You find yourself dreading mealtime. Eating is normally a very pleasurable experience. Food tastes good therefore consuming it is something that normal humans look forward to. These rules don't apply if you are responsible for getting food into a toddler's body on a regular basis. While mealtime in your home is probably a blur of tears, wasted groceries, and broken dreams, the good news is that toddlers can apparently live on 45 calories a day.
3. You celebrate bedtime the way most people do lottery wins. If once your sweet angel is breathing deeply and out for the night you do a touchdown dance in the hallway and drop it like it's hot or do the dougie, cabbage patch, or tootsie roll for a full minute in the kitchen, you might have a toddler. Bedtime will feel like an emancipation. No more diapers, power struggles, or Disney Junior for at least...an hour or two.
4. You find yourself wanting to squeeze your child for no reason. I'm not talking about hugs, I'm talking about squeezing. Toddlers are mankind's cuteness peak. There's something about those little despots that make you just want to pick them up, wrap your arms around them and just apply gentle to medium pressure until they slap you.
5. You ask yourself, "Why did he/she do that?" several times a day. Toddlers aren't meant to be understood, they're meant to be guided off of the emotional cliff they feel drawn to over and over again. You'll drive yourself crazy if you try to figure out why your toddler squeezed an entire tube of toothpaste into your shoe (it was probably fun) or why after loving a snack for two weeks the sight of it now makes them rage vomit and strip naked. These kinds of cerebral gymnastics will drive you crazy. Just go with it, hang in there, and try to enjoy/not fall off of the ride.
Stay strong, toddler parents. You got this.
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New humor book for parents of toddlers just trying to make it through the day. April 7, 2015
I was laughing and crying at once while reading this. Sort of like dinner time but with more laughter.
ReplyDeleteTears of pure and delightful understanding. Many thanks.
ReplyDelete"Rage vomit & strip naked..."
ReplyDeleteI'm. Dying.
😂😂😂😂😂